I’m on my way to a date with the Frenchman. We’re going to an awesome new place in town, Bodos Schloss (same brains behind it as Mahiki). We have an arrangement that I pick the venues, and he picks up the bill (well, I’m unemployed right now!). Whilst I’m on my way, I’m texting my man. And I feel guilty.

Since reading The Rules, I promised myself I would keep dating until my man tells me it’s official… and he hasn’t yet. But it just feels wrong, as I can’t imagine how I would feel if I knew he was going on dates. Should I keep dating? Or focus on my man, break the Rules, and risk getting hurt?

My man came to see me in London this weekend. And we had fun. And we even drew our faces in the sand (not that it looks like us!)!

He told me that he liked me… We were lying on the floor in my bedroom (I don’t have a bed in there yet). We were fully clothed and I was lying on top of him (it was innocent!). He said that he liked me “quite a lot actually”. It just came to him. He seemed surprised! And I had that Liesl feeling! and i had butterflies. And i wanted to say me too! But I said nothing. Because I was scared that saying something would make me too available. Go against the Rules. Make me less appealing. So I kissed him.

But HE likes ME! Enough to tell me. YIPPEEEEEEE!

… And here I am on a date. Feeling guilty. Because I feel like he gave me something. He shared his feelings with me, and I strongly believe you shouldn’t abuse people when they are brave enough to open up to their emotions. Or risk losing someone because you’re trying to keep your guard up.

Should I tell him I’m dating other people? What good would that do? Provoke him into telling me we should make it official? Or push him away and make him think its acceptable to date (or sleep with) other girls? And surely by placing my guilt onto him, I’d just guilt-tripping him?

Or am I dating other people because I haven’t fallen for him hard enough?

Another day. Another complication. I wish these things were easy.

Either way, I’m hungry and I’m late. So my guilty mind will have to wait.

20121023-180514.jpg

Advertisements