Having made it so far to page 42 in the Complete Book of Rules, I already have a few issues I would like to discuss.

Beauty and Men

Don’t leave the house without wearing make up. Put lipstick on when you go jogging. Do everything you possibly can to put your best face forward. If you have a bad nose, get a nose job…

I like to look good, of course I do. What girl doesn’t? Yes, I agree that eating well, doing exercise, staying up to date with your waxing, having pedicures, and all those things, make me feel good about myself. And feeling good results in feeling confident and attractive; qualities that are attractive to men. But wearing lipstick to go running? Seriously?! I believe in natural beauty, and I wouldn’t want to wear make up just to chill and watch movies with a man. I have a friend who is stunning, a model actually, and her ex boyfriend used to tell her to wear make up. What a douchebag! I’m sorry, but if Mr Right is a man that can only accept a woman that always looks immaculate, then I’d rather pass.

Talking to Men

Don’t tell sarcastic jokes… Be quiet and mysterious, act ladylike, cross your legs and smile. Don’t talk too much… You might argue that this will suppress your intelligence or vivacious personality. You may feel that you won’t be able to be yourself, but men will love it!

Excuse me? So for a man to fall in love with me, I have to make myself up like a doll, have cosmetic surgery to remove any physical flaws, smile and nod like an airhead, and not be myself? Are we so desperate to get married that we are prepared to completely suppress our personalities? Isn’t being funny a great quality? Lots of girls are attractive (in a made-up way) and have nothing to say for themselves, and I certainly don’t envy the type of men they are with.

Don’t talk to a man first, and let him pay

If a man doesn’t bother to walk across the room to seek you out … Then he’s obviously not interested… Equality [is] fine in the workplace, but not in the romantic playing field. Love is easy when the man pursues the woman and pays for the woman most of the time.

The Rule states you can NEVER talk to a man first. Even if you see someone you like but he doesn’t see you, it’s better to go home knowing you didn’t break the rules because “he never got the chance to pursue you and this fact will always permeate the relationship even if he does ask you out”. I’m sorry, but even if you do go up and talk to the guy first, he can still be left wanting more, providing you don’t sleep with him straight away or act desperate. Don’t men like women with confidence? Look at Katy Perry & Russell Brand. Russell Brand, a famous lothario and notoriously impossible to tie-down… Until he met and fell for Katy Perry. How did they first start talking? SHE threw a bottle at his head, claiming, “you’ve met you’re match motherf**ker!”. Boom. Love at first sight. There’s a girl that stands out from the crowd, and doesn’t act like every other girl. A girl that acts herself. Dyes her hair blue. Has a huge personality. And doesn’t just sit and smile and look pretty. … Or is that why their relationship ended in divorce? Unlikely.

Be Unattainable

I’m not completely cynical, dear readers. I’m an open-minded person. And I have decided to implement a rule into my life. Being Unattainable.

Being an attractive female (again, please don’t read that statement as arrogance), I have always been aware that men (and women) like to class pretty girls, especially pretty blonde girls, as boring, shallow, bitchy, or superficial…or all of the above. I’ve always fought that stereotype. And I won’t pretend to be precious and prissy, because I’m not. So I’ll never wear lipstick to go on a run. Or wear make up to bed just because a man is there. Or get liposuction because I hate my thighs (I do hate my thighs). Or smile and nod when I actually want to be sarcastic and witty.
I don’t want men (or women) to be intimated of me. Because I’m nice. And a lot of men won’t come up to me first, because I am intimidating. I know that because I’ve been told it many times before. Plus it’s usually only the really cocky men that do approach me; and cocky men do not treat girls well.

However, in my desperation to prove that I’m not arrogant, boring, shallow, unapproachable, or intimidating; I have made myself too available. I’d even say that I’ve come across as desperate, even when I am not certain about the man in question, and even when I believe that HE is lucky to have me.

I put in too much effort. And I talk too much. And I make too many excuses for bad behaviour. And looking back, a lot of average men I’ve dated have ended it with ME.

And this should stop. It’s emotionally draining. And it’s now so obvious how to put an end to it happening. By adopting these rules I will achieve an unattainable status

Be positive. Look for the good in everything. … Early dating is not the time to tell him about your job problems. … Don’t tell long winded stories of all the people who have hurt you or let you down … Act as if you were born happy.

There will be moments on a date when neither of you has anything to say. Don’t feel the need to fill in the silences. You’ll end up saying something forced or stupid. … If anything men should be the ones wondering whether or not they’re keeping you interested.

Men like a challenge – that’s why they play sports, fight wars and raid corporations. The worst thing you can do is make it easy for them.

Not calling him will leave him desiring you more, make him want to see you again and call you again. It prevents him from getting to know all about you too quickly and getting bored. … It’s good for him to wonder about you.

And it’s true. Men need to think you’re unattainable. Men need to believe they are lucky to have you. Men need to believe you are busy, so that they have to work for a place in your life. And they can only believe that if you make it difficult for them. And don’t always get in touch first. And don’t over-talk. And don’t show insecurities when it comes to dating. If they don’t hear from you, they should be worried that you have lost interest… so they will get in touch.

So, where does that leave me with my man? I will no longer suggest meeting him, nor will I be the first to initiate contact. Because I’ve shown him I’m nice. I’ve shown him I’m not intimidating. And now I need to make him know that I AM hard to get. And he DOES have to make an effort to impress me and keep me interested.

So I haven’t contacted him since Thursday, and already he has contacted me to let me know he liked my outfit (I dressed up as Amy Winehouse last night, and put the photo on Facebook … So he’s stalking me!). And I haven’t replied. Because I want him to appreciate who is in front of him.

And who is in front of him? Not some precious, heavily made-up, smile-and-nodding air head. But a confident, funny (sometimes, and usually at me), natural, slightly dorky, nice girl, who likes him, and who gets on with him. And that’s me, and I’m not going to (and shouldn’t have to) change any of those qualities to end up with a shallow, chauvenistic Mr Wrong.

And ultimately, I would rather be totally myself and be aloneinlondon than be with someone I can’t be myself around. I want my flaws to be seen as loveable elements that make me me, not disgusting features that make me imperfect. And if I end up by myself until I find the right person, then breaking a few rules is more than ok for me.

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