As if life wasn’t complicated enough already, an old flame has somehow catapulted his way back into my life and, as usual, made me question how I feel about other men.

Let me refer to this guy as the love of my life.

I met him in 2009 when I was working as a Business Development Manager in the marketing industry. He worked for an agency in Wimbledon, and I worked there two days a week. It’s a complete cliché to say, but from the moment we saw each other there was an instant attraction. He started emailing me before we had ever even talked. One drunken night, we decided to meet up and both took taxis to a club called Shunt in London Bridge. It was the first time we had ever spoken and I literally fell in love with him. Conversation was easy, he was a great kisser, and very attractive; I couldn’t believe I had met someone as great as him. After going home separately, I got a text the next day telling me that he had a girlfriend! but he assured me they were breaking up, he was just waiting to move into his own place.

3 years later, he’s still with his girlfriend (although they’ve broken up and gotten back together repeatedly), and he still tells me how much he likes me and how perfect I am. And me, despite having ignored him for several months at a time over the three years (during my relationship with Jules, and at other times when I’ve been fed up with him messing with my head), he always seems to creep his way back into my life. And we’ve hooked up a lot during the years, although we’ve never actually had sex.

The girlfriend: 39 (9 years his senior, attractive, manages his sister who is a classical singer (locked into the family), desperate for marriage and children, mildly psychotic (she has made several phone calls to me in the past because she thought it was awkward when we met).

We all hear stories about women who fall for married men who never end up leaving their wives despite their constant promises. It’s easy to think it’s a silly situation to get into, and easier to see the women as gullible or slightly idiotic, but when you’re in a similar situation, things seem less black & white. I KNOW they have problems, and he hasn’t married her… But do I really want to be with someone that has had supposed relationship problems for over 3 years and hasn’t ended things? Someone who has consistently tried to get with another girl for the 3 years of that relationship?

What is it about fancying men who are in relationships?

You know you should stay away, but you just can’t. If a person is so adamant about how bad there relationship is for so long then it’s hard to take that relationship seriously.

But then, what about the poor girl he is dating? It could easily be me in her situation. It was me in my relationship with Jules, and I was very quick to criticise the girls he cheated on me with for being easy. I suppose the same way that I have criticised his girlfriend for being psychotic.

Why do girls always blame the other girls involved and not the love-rat man himself? What happened to girl power?