Archives for posts with tag: The rules

The Rules state you should date other guys until you are certain about who you want. Well, actually, the book says you should continue to date until there’s a ring on your finger, but I’m not that desperate for marriage, and would like to practice fidelity if I felt serious enough about the man.

2 weeks ago, I gave my number to a man. I bump into him at work a lot, and we’ve had chit-chat for the last few months. On bumping to him a fortnight ago, he said he had an invitation for me to go to an event he thought I’d like, then asked for my number. Why not, I thought. Only I didn’t hear from him.

On Monday, I received a Facebook message from him letting me know he had lost his phone that very evening, and it had taken him this long to find me. He still had an event to take me to and asked if I’d give him my number (again). I replied (on Tuesday, I’m busy and unattainable of course), with my number and told him I wouldn’t give it to him a 3rd time.

A few hours later, I received a text telling me not to lose this number. Of course I knew it was from him, I rarely give my number out, but the rules state you must act like you are desirable and being pursued by lots of men, so I asked him to clarify whose number it was that I must guard so closely.

Then last night, I received a phone call from him. I like it when men call. It shows confidence, and it takes away the awkwardness, toneless texting game. He asked how many guys I give my number out to that I didn’t know it was him. (Blush).

Anyway, he asked if I was free on Saturday 13th October (booking in advance is a great sign according to the rules). He told me it was a surprise. I like surprises.

He asked if I had ever seen Catchphrase. Do you remember the 90’s TV Show presented by Roy Walker in which contestants would have to identify a familiar phrase by a piece of animation accompanied by background music? Well, he explained that over the next couple of weeks he would send me sporadic Catchphrase-style clues about what we’d be doing. If I guess it right before the day, he’ll get me a present.

How exciting! And also how very clever. This now means he has successfully ensured our date will be on my mind from now until it happens. Very clever indeed.

But obviously I’m now a rules girl and would never giveaway excitement. I’m aloof, busy, and unattainable. So I said I looked forward to it but had to go, and I ended the call.

I’m already excitedly awaiting the first Catchphrase Clue. And of course I’ll share them all with you, dear readers. In the words of the Hunger Games let the games begin!

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I am already nervous. This weekend I will be going to the seaside for the whole weekend to see my man. Why am I nervous? He lives with his parents. That means from Friday night through to Sunday I am staying at his. With his parents. Shudder.

I feel sick.

Having now read the Complete Book of Rules, I have decided to be more aloof. More unattainable. (See my Blog em>;Call Me Maybe). And the reality is that I am quite chilled and aloof about the whole situation. I just need to stop pretending to be more into it than I really am, and start to make him sweat a little.

Surely going to his parent’s house is totally and utterly against all the rules I vowed to follow? It goes against keeping things light-hearted. Acting like I don’t care. Letting him make the effort to come to me…

And I really don’t know how comfortable I am with the situation. I am changing my mind on a hourly, no, minutely basis. I don’t really like him enough at this stage to meet the parents. But I am not meeting the parents because it’s a stage we are at. I am meeting his parents because of purely practical reasons… because he lives at home. And it is a little nice to think he sees me as the kind of girl he can introduce to his parents…

Part of me is excited. I haven’t seen him since our fun day in the rain two Sundays ago. I’ve already began my beauty regime so I look and feel amazing one Friday (I know, I know, it’s sad). And it will be exciting to jump on a train straight after work on Friday…

Part of me is doubtful. Do I still like him? Do I like him enough to tolerate a weekend surrounded by his family?

Cancel the weekend. Wait for him to come to me.

Don’t go Friday night. Just see him Saturday – Sunday.

Stop over-thinking it. It will be fun. Have a fun weekend, keep it light-hearted, then play it cool after the weekend.

And, according to the Complete Book of Rules, it’s never too late to start the rules!

Either way, at least I’ll have an interesting story to tell you on Sunday night..!

Being at the start of a new relationship (and I mean relationship in a very loose sense of the word, as obviously there has been no talk of commitment yet), I am rather aware of ‘the game’. He lives 2 hours away from me, so I have to depend on my phone to keep in touch with him. But do I get in touch with him? Or do I wait for him to get in touch with me? Should I call him, or is that too keen?

We have grown up being told that we should play hard to get to capture a man’s attention. Men like challenges, so we should be aloof. But I like challenges too. And if we both play it cool, then neither of us will get in touch. And don’t men like confident girls? And if I want to speak to someone, shouldn’t I just be able to do it without worrying if he’ll still like me because I initiated contact? Do I really want to be with someone anyway if I can’t act myself?

And then we get down to the actual text messaging. Do I reply if he doesn’t ask questions? How can I be funny on a text message? Will he pick up on my sarcastic tone or think I’m being serious? Has he not put kisses on the end because he doesn’t like me, or simply because he doesn’t put kisses on texts?

Something very simple has suddenly become something very complicated. And what is acceptable?

I have lots of girlfriends who treat men badly. Like shit actually. And the result is that they have men falling at their feet. Literally. But does a woman have to be a bitch in order for a guy to like her? I know these girls, and I know that deep down they like the guy, but they aren’t comfortable with showing their emotions, and isn’t that because of pride and the fear of getting hurt?
And what about these obsessed men? Do they truly like the girl for who she is? Or do they just like her because they can’t have her? And isn’t all of this a huge effort to be with someone? Because surely you should be with someone that likes you for who you are, someone who makes you feel comfortable for being you, and who makes your life that little bit more exciting. Or is that just my romantically charged mind idealising relationships?

And I’m really not very good at playing games. Because if someone does something that annoys me, I react. And if someone arranges to meet me and doesn’t, I react. And if I text someone and they don’t reply, I react (in a jokey way and I wait at least a day, I’m not that crazy). And that’s how I treat my friends, so why should a man be any different? However, by reacting, I probably have given the impression that I’m crazy. But why should I tolerate someone treating me badly or making me feel inadequate? Because I want someone to appreciate me, and to realise what they have, and I shouldn’t have to compromise… Or should I? Because thinking about it, I HAVE scared a few guys away, or I’ve lost patience with them and ended it even though I still liked them.

And because I like my new man, and because I want him to like me, I’ve been thinking a lot about ‘the game’ and how I should play things. And I’ve been wondering whether I should wait for him to text me (we’ve all seen the film He’s just not that into you, and if he likes you he will get in touch, right?), or do I just text him (he’s probably trying to play it cool too, and we live in different cities so I don’t want things to fizzle out just because we were both trying to play it cool). And so far, I’m going with the just do what you feel frame of mind. It was ME to suggest he came from the airport to mine, ME to send the message to clear the air after the whole TV presenter fiasco, and ME to invite myself to the seaside. But i don’t mind driving it, because I’m confident, and I can tell that HE likes me. Or does he? Am I just making it too easy? Maybe I should start to reverse the power now.

So I’ve bought a book (I was directed towards the Self-Help section in Waterstones – how demoralising!). It’s called the Complete Book of Rules. Apparently is tells you time-tested secrets for capturing the heart of Mr Right. And what’s more, it’s a multi-million copy bestseller, so apparently I’m not the only girl on the planet to be questioning this.
But why should we have to use games to impress Mr Right? Surely playing games and not being ourselves means we capture the heart of Mr Not-Right?
But I’m going to read it. And I’m going to try it. And you can be certain that I’ll share my discoveries and report my experiences with you, dear readers.

Watch this space!

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